One Conversation a Week
One hard conversation a week, and one tool to take into yours.
Each episode starts from an ordinary situation and walks through one tool that comes from research, with the name of who studied it.
- Episode 1 · 21 min
The message that said "ok."
A daughter reads a two-letter reply and hears a whole verdict. This week, the ladder of inference, by Chris Argyris, and how to separate what happened from what you concluded before a hard conversation.
Transcript - Episode 2 · 21 min
Saying it without blaming
Most hard conversations derail in the first sentence. This week, the four parts of Nonviolent Communication, by Marshall Rosenberg, and how to build a first sentence the other person can actually hear.
Transcript - Episode 3 · 22 min
Talking about a behavior, not a person
"You're so irresponsible" gives the other person only one way out: defending who they are. This week, the SBI model from the Center for Creative Leadership, and the question about intent that turns a complaint into a conversation.
Transcript - Episode 4 · 21 min
Rehearsing both sides
We rehearse our own lines many times before a hard conversation, and almost never the other person's. This week, the two chairs technique from Gestalt therapy, by Fritz Perls and colleagues, used lightly and outside the therapy room, to arrive having heard what the other person might feel.
Transcript - Episode 5 · 21 min
Setting the when
A conversation can be prepared, rehearsed and still wait forever, because "I'm going to talk to her" never says when. This week, implementation intentions, by Peter Gollwitzer, and the two if-then plans that take a conversation out of "someday."
Transcript - Episode 6 · 21 min
After the conversation, from zero to ten
Almost no hard conversation fixes everything the first time, and the verdict we give it afterwards is usually unfair. This week, the scaling question from solution-focused brief therapy, by Steve de Shazer, Insoo Kim Berg and colleagues, and the second question that shows what already moved.
Transcript - Episode 7 · 21 min
Where you want to get to
"I want to be closer to my brother" is a good decision, and exactly why it goes nowhere. This week, the GROW model, by John Whitmore and colleagues, and the four questions that turn a direction into a place you would recognize.
Transcript - Episode 8 · 21 min
What pushes and what holds back
Every stalled decision is stalled for a reason, and it's almost never the reason we give. This week, force field analysis, by Kurt Lewin, and why weakening what holds you back usually works better than pushing harder.
Transcript